Paralysed
by TerraQuest
Summary: Yaoi! My first yaoi ficcy. I can't write summaries, plz just R&R, and if I get enuff reviews I'll continue! *NEW* Chap 11: Zell blames Squall for Rinoa's death/murder...but...is Rinoa really dead?
1. What About us?

What about all of the things that you said  
What about all of the promises you made  
What about all of the ice that you gave  
What about all of the things you told me  
What about  
What about  
What about us?  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
'What about us?' he had said. And she laughed in his face, and she walked away. She just walked away. 'What about everything you said to me, you told me, you promised me?' More laughter.  
Redemption.  
Hatred.  
Let the bitch rot in hell.   
And she laughed in his face, and she walked away.  
  
"Squall?"  
'Oh damn'   
'Why can't I...move my legs'  
"Oh my god... somebody call Dr. Kadowaki!   
Somebody fucking help!"  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
And then he was being lifted up, higher, and higher, by an ashen Angel, carrying him to the Heavens, where he knew he could reside without the pain and suffering. Without the hesitation to love. To care. Without the people. The people who made his life miserable.  
And he began to float,  
and the wounds cleared up,  
and the blood ceased to flow,  
and the light began to grow,   
and the Angel, his face grew paler, and then the wrinkles dissappeared. It began to turn grey, and then crack. The head turned completely to stone. Paralysed, as Squall was from doubt and hatred. It called out his name. Softly, yet firmly. Serenely, yet tragically. And it began to cry. Cry tears of angst. Angst, and blood, now gushing, like the wounds that sliced up his wrists.  
And then it began to crumble. It fell, and the pile of ashes left on the concrete floor began to glow.  
"Squall." It screamed and whispered and cried and laughed all at the same time, "Squall."  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Squall! You're awake!"   
"Seifer?"  
  
_________________________________________________  
Author's Note:  
*bum bum bum!*  
What happened to Squall? Who was the "she" mentioned in the beginning of the story? Was Seifer the "Angel"? Where was Squall? How did Seifer find Squall? Was Seifer re-admitted into Garden? Why did Squall cut his wrists? Did he attempt suicide? (well, duh) What the hell's goin' on?   
You'll find out.  
In the next chapter of:  
"Paralysed" (opinions on name are wanted. The current one sorta sucks major monkey ass, and I want reviewers POV's)  
Same FF time  
Same FF channel  
*bum bum bum!* 


	2. Making Love Out of Nothing At All

" " = Dialogue  
' ' = Thinking (half of the time Seifer's thought, half of the time Squall's thoughts)  
  
I can make you every promise that's ever been made.  
and I can make all your demons be gone.  
but I'm never gonna make it without you.  
do you really wanna see me crawl?  
and I'm never gonna make it like you do,  
making love out of nothing at all.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
'Am I dead? The angel's gone...'  
There was no more ashes, and the scent of burnt flesh had disappeared.  
'Where am I?'  
  
Squall woke up, surprised to see Seifer standing before his bed in the...infirmary?  
"Seifer?"  
  
"So you're finally up, eh, Squall?" Seifer stood, his usually cocky smirk gracing his face. But his eyes seemed different...almost concerned...  
What happened?  
  
'Oh my god'  
He had actually done it.  
Tears began to emerge again, but Squall shrugged them away. He wasn't about to cry in front of Seifer.  
  
"You called me Squall."  
  
"Yeah, what were you expecting, Puberty Boy?" Seifer chuckled, but the concern in his ice blue eyes never faltered.  
  
"Why am I here?" Squall sat up suddenly and his headache made itself very apparent. "Ugh, what...?"   
  
"Squall..." Seifer stopped grinning, "How long have you been...cutting yourself?"  
  
"I..." Squall looked down at his wrists and arms, where there were long gashes slicing through his wrists and down his arms, following the veins.  
  
"Oh, Squall, you're awake!" Dr. Kadowaki walked into the room, setting her clipboard down she continued, "Seifer, leave Squall for a while, he needs some privacy right now."  
Seifer nodded and walked towards the door. He looked back, shook his head slowly, and then continued out of the room.  
  
"So, then, I don't think you want to talk about what made you do 'that' right now," She nodded, staring at his wrists, "You know if Seifer hadn't found you when he did, there's a large chance you would have died."  
  
"I wanted to die." Squall shifted his vision to the doctor, his glare baring into her skull.  
  
Dr. Kadowaki stood up and picked up her clipboard, "He stayed with you all night. He must care about you, a lot." She glanced at Squall knowingly, and then walked away  
  
'He must care about you a lot...'  
'What's that supposed to mean?'  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
This is for all the lonely people  
thinking that life has passed them by   
left them dry  
Don't give up  
until you drink from the silver cup  
And ride that highway in the sky   
you never know until you try  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Seifer!"  
"Is he awake?"  
"What did he say?!"  
  
Seifer was bombarded with questions as soon as he left the infirmary.  
  
"He's...fine, I guess."  
  
"Fine?" Rinoa's eyes were puffy and red.   
'She'd probably been crying all night.'  
  
'I know what it's like, to lose everything, that means anything to you.'  
  
"Yeah well, he's probably got a major hangover. If he hadn't died from the alcohol, he knew he was gonna die from the blood loss." Seifer stated simply. He knew somehow that Rinoa was involved in his sudden mass depression.  
  
"If you hadn't found him!" Selphie said, her usual optimistic self. Seifer had been surprised to see her crying earlier that day. She didn't even cry when she found out about Trabia...  
  
"Yeah thank god you did." Irvine piped up, his arms around Selphie.  
  
"Hey, Chickenwuss, you haven't said a thing all day." And it was true, Zell hadn't been his perky self, even before he found out about Squall. His clothes were drooping unusually and lopsidedly from his fit body, and his hair wasn't done up properly. It was sticking out awkwardly around his head, and the front drooped in front of his face.  
  
"Yeah, so? One of my friends just tried to commit suicide, only to be saved by his arch rival." Those words hurt. The emphasis on the words suicide, and arch rival made their way into his heart, pangs of guilt, and concern.   
'Arch rival, eh?'  
"What am I supposed to say? What the hell is wrong with you people? This is so fucking serious!" Zell ran out of the room.  
  
Silence filled the room.  
  
"What's with him?"  
___________________________________________________  
  
Author's Notes:  
*bum bum bum!*  
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I can't make long chapters.  
I really hope you liked this, it's my first yaoi ficcy. And I know I didn't answer all of your questions...but that would sorta ruin the story know wouldn't it.  
Hmm, is it gonna be Seifer/Squall or Zell/Squall? Guess! ^^ I already know which, but hey...  
Plz PLZ R&R...  
Well actually you've already read it so review! Click the button. You know you want to!   
The next chapter of "Paralysed" will be up soon!  
Same FF time  
Same FF channel  
*bum bum bum!* 


	3. Carry On

" " = Dialogue  
' ' = Thinking (half of the time Seifer's thought, half of the time Squall's thoughts)  
  
When do the tears stop from running over  
When does my "someday" begin  
When I'll find someone again  
When can my heart beat again  
When does the pain ever end  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
|'What's this?' Squall saw himself walking into Garden. He had come home early from a training mission. He was heading for Rinoa's dorm. He hadn't seen her for a week, and you know when you love someone like he did Rinoa, you don't want to spend a day apart.   
  
And so he walked up to her dorm.  
  
'No!'  
'Don't go in!'  
  
And he heard strange moans coming from inside the room. All of a sudden a shriek.   
"Zell!"  
  
And he used his keycard. And he opened the door.  
"Ooh Zell..."  
  
And there was Zell, and Rinoa, his best friend, and his girlfriend, fucking like rabbits. They were bobbing up and down, faster, and harder with each thrust. And the worst thing was, they didn't even notice he was there.  
Squall just stood there speachless. Hurt, and pain, slowly turned to hatred, and he cleared his throat.  
  
"Oh fuck." Zell suddenly exclaimed.  
  
"Yes, fuck me harder!" Rinoa squealed in delight.  
  
"No! Oh, fuck!" He stopped thrusting into her, and rolled over on his side, eyeing Squall. He looked so guilty. The cute glint in his eyes, that was always apparent, faded. He knew what he had done, he knew he had no excuse, he knew he could never make up for it...  
  
Rinoa started to pout. "What?" and she turned around.   
  
"Hi, honey..." Squall managed, his voice quivering, "I'm home."|  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
We used to laugh  
We used to cry  
We used to bow our heads then wonder why  
But now you're gone, I guess I'll carry on  
And make the best of what you left to me  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
"NO!" Squall woke up, sweat pouring down his neck and his back. He quietly began to sob.   
Betrayal.   
That's all he's ever known.  
That's all he'll ever know.  
  
"Squall! Squall are you okay?" Seifer jumped out of the chair beside Squall's bed, he'd been sleeping.  
  
"..."  
  
"Squall...I know...you probably don't want to talk about it but..." Seifer shifted his feet and fumbled with words, "But what happened?"  
  
"I..."  
  
"Nevermind, sorry, I never asked o-..."  
  
"No!...no..." Squall curled up motioned for Seifer to sit on the bed with him, "I need to tell someone anyways. Otherwise I'll explode."  
  
Seifer was surprised. That's the most Squall had said since...the incident. And he never thought he'd tell him about it, I mean, anyone about it until at least a couple of weeks after. When everything had been settled out and-  
  
Squall chuckled.  
Seifer's mouth dropped.  
  
"Are you just going to stand there with your mouth hanging open or are you going to listen?"  
Seifer blinked and sat beside Squall. A side of Squall he'd never seen before. Damn he looked hot when he smiled.  
  
"Yeah, so, like I said, what happened?"  
  
And Squall told him everything.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Author's Note:  
*bum bum bum!*  
I know, you hate me now. Zell wouldn't do something like that.  
Either that or Rinoa wouldn't do something like that.  
But don't flame me, It's the plot. It's stayin', no point in flaming.  
And no I don't hate Zell, he's my favourite char in the game. (hotty hot hot) But Zell/Squall just miffs me. (I luv Seifer/Zells tho)  
And no he's not a tattooed toad-fuck. o.O  
I really hope you like this. I'm getting into more Squall/Seifer sweetness next chapter. But only if I get some more reviews. Hup hup to y'all!  
Stay tuned for more sweetness.  
Same FF time  
Same FF channel  
*bum bum bum!* 


	4. Confusion

" " = Dialogue  
' ' = Thinking (half of the time Seifer's thought, half of the time Squall's thoughts)  
  
I watch you when you're sleeping  
Sun shines through the rain  
A whole life so lonely  
And then you come and ease the pain  
I don't wanna lose this feeling  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Squall had told Seifer everything. Stuttering and bumbling all the while through. Seifer was holding him, trying to comfort him. It felt so good, holding Squall. He had never seen him so helpless before. He was broken. Ripped in two.   
Squall rested his head on Seifer's shoulders, his breathing shallow. Squall was like back at the orphanage, a broken little boy. He looked up at Seifer. His eyes filled with pain.   
  
"Squall, it's not your fault." Seifer's eyes flashed, 'I knew Rinoa was no good from the start.'  
'But, I can't believe, Zell, Squall's best friend. Imagine the turmoil...'  
  
And then, unexpectantly, Squall leaned forward, and gazed into Seifer's eyes. His beautiful ice blue eyes. And he pressed his lips against Seifer's, and he kissed him.  
  
'What the...!' Seifer's eyes widened and he pulled away from Squall.   
Squall continued to stare into Seifer's eyes, until he turned away, grimacing.  
  
"Squall...?" Seifer stood up, noticing the sadness in Squall's deep chocolate eyes, "I have to go." and he hurriedly rushed out of the infirmary.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
And you come to me on a summer breeze  
Keep me warm in your love and then softly leave  
And you may not think  
I care for you  
When you know down inside  
That I really do  
And it's me you need to show...  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Seifer was running at a blistering pace now.   
'What the hell did I just do?!'   
  
Tears began to build up in his eyes but he quickly rubbed them away. He lunged into his room and slammed the door.  
'Seifer Almasy doesn't cry.'  
  
He flung himself down on his bed face first and began to weep.  
'I'm so weak.'  
'Why am I crying?'  
'Pathetic.'  
  
He flopped over onto his back, and grabbed the little white book with the blue binding, on his bed-side table.   
'Dear diary...'  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
We belong together  
And you know that I am right  
Why do you play with my heart  
Why do you play with my mind  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Mr. Leonhart, aren't you supposed to be going down to your counseling right about now?" Dr. Kadowaki could be such a bitch.   
  
'Shunned...' Squall was sitting on the chair beside his bed, where Seifer always sat. He got up and walked out of the infirmary, wearing little more than a hospital gown.  
  
'Counseling my ass.' He tried to open the door to his dorm room, but 'obviously', it was locked.   
'Damnit, I don't have my key card.'   
  
Squall started yanking the door knob. "Open, goddamnit." The wood started to splinter.  
He looked around the halls, and there was no one else present. He kicked the door in and grinned. "I'll be outta this hell hole soon enough."  
___________________________________________________________  
  
Author's Note:   
*bum bum bum!*  
Nyah nyah! What'd he mean, "I'll be outta this hell hole soon enough?"  
I'll never te~ell!  
Until next chapter.  
Same FF channel  
Same FF time  
*bum bum bum!* 


	5. Blur

" " = Dialogue  
' ' = Thinking (half of the time Seifer's thought, half of the time Squall's thoughts)  
  
I would give anything I own  
Give up me life, my heart, my home  
I would give everything I own  
Just to have you  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Seifer heard a crash and muffled yells from the room next door. 'What the hell?'  
  
He jumped to his feet and dragged his feet accross the floor towards the door. Then her heard banging coming from the other side of the wall. He put his ear up to wall and strained to listen. 'Wait a second, isn't that Squall's room?'  
'He shouldn't be out of the infirmary.'  
  
"Why the fuck were you in here?" Seifer heard a growl from the other room. It was...Squall's voice.   
  
"I don't...I mean...I was just leaving!" Zell was pleading for Squall to let him go. He was squirming crazily to get out of Squall's grasp. The wall was moving... the Garden's budget wasn't something to brag about, okay, the walls are hollow. Well, at least in the new dorms.   
Then Squall slammed him up against wall once again.  
  
"Why were 'you' in 'my' room?" Squall said slowly.  
  
Zell looked at him, his eyes begging Squall to put him down, "Let me GO!"  
  
Squall let go of Zell's collar and sighed. He turned around, "I don't particularly want to talk to you right now."  
"'Leave!'"  
  
Zell just gave him a strange look, and scampered away.  
  
'What the 'fuck' was that all about?' And Seifer headed for Squall's room.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
'Bastard.' Squall sighed again. He pulled the hospital gown over his head, and searched for something to wear. 'Everything's all over the floor...'  
He pulled on a pair of underwear and grabbed a pair of jeans.   
  
Then he heard the clacking of feet in the hall. 'Did someone see Zell leave?' Squall began to panic.  
Then there was a knocking at the door, and the door swung open.   
  
It was Seifer.  
  
He stood there, gaping, and Squall soon realised at what. He promptly turned bright red and began to edge towards the closet. 'Why is he looking at me like that?'  
"S-seifer?"  
  
Seifer began to grin, and tried to hold back a laugh. 'Well this is awkward.'   
  
"Seifer get out!" Squall growled, "I'm changing..."   
'What is he doing here?'  
'He rejected me, and then he comes back?'  
'Doesn't he know how he hurt me?'  
  
"I can see that..." Seifer smirked.  
  
"What are you doing here?" Squall asked simply after he had pulled on his pants, "I don't want to talk to anyone right now. Especially not you."  
  
"Why not?" He asked, slightly surprised.  
  
'Why not?'  
'Why fucking not?'  
"Because I need to be left alone." Squall stated. It worked when Dr. Kadowaki wanted Seifer to get lost.  
  
"Fine, suit yourself." Seifer glanced at Squall once more, twirled around, and pretty much stomped out of the room.  
  
'Bastard...'  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
My heart  
Still believes  
That love and mercy still exist  
While all the hatreds rage and so many say  
That love is all but pointless in madness such as this  
It's like trying to stop a fire  
With the moisture from a kiss  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
'Seifer stopped me the first time.'  
'He won't stop me again.'  
  
Squall lay in his bath tub, naked. There was complete silence, and an extreme serenity to the whole situation. Squall wasn't scared. Actually, he really didn't care. Now that he knew Seifer didn't love him...  
'No one could love an icicle.'  
  
He grabbed the bottle of pills set on the ledge of the tub. He cracked the lid open and poured its entire contents into his hand.   
He stared at the pills for a couple of minutes. Still contemplating on whether to go on.  
  
'Who fucking cares.'  
  
So he turned on the water. The only sound was that of the tap and the shuffling of the pills. He rolled them around in his fingers. Then he raised them up to his mouth, and stuffed the pills down his throat.   
He felt a sudden shock of doubt.  
Like butterflies in his stomache.   
  
Then his head began to ache, and everything began to blur. He slowly drifted to sleep...  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Author's Note:   
*bum bum bum!*  
I sorta thought this chapter sucked, but tell me what you think, plz!  
Is Squall going to die?!  
I'll never te~ell!  
But you'll probably find out...maybe...in the next chapter of:  
Paralysed!  
Same FF time  
Same FF channel  
*bum bum bum!*  
(I've gotta stop doing that) 


	6. Emotions

This is a song that nobody knows  
I couldn't begin to describe how it goes  
But it makes me cry or laugh right out loud  
It's a song that I sing when there's no one around.  
This is the man that nobody sees  
He wears my old clothes and he looks just like me  
Just one of the boys who gets lost in the crowd.  
He's the man that I am when there's no one around.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
And then Squall woke up.  
'Seifer?'  
  
Squall had told Seifer everything.   
  
"Squall, it's not your fault." Seifer's eyes flashed, and his head tilted to the side. Squall had never noticed really how captivating his icy orb eyes were. They seemed to glow in the dark of the infirmary. And they didn't glow the typical Seifer way. They glowed with passion. With passion that Seifer stands unmatched in.   
'I knew Rinoa was no good from the start.'  
  
'Could it all have been just a dream?'  
"But it seemed so real...'  
  
And then, unexpectantly, Seifer leaned forward, and gazed into Squall's eyes. His beautiful chocolate brown eyes. And he pressed his lips against Squall's, and he kissed him.  
  
'What?'  
  
And he kissed him.  
  
'?'  
  
He had kissed him.  
  
'Oh. my. god.'  
Squall's stomache fluttered. He couldn't possibly be happier.   
All of it...it was all a dream.   
Seifer hadn't rejected him.  
Seifer had, kissed him.  
And Squall wrapped his tongue around Seifer's and savoured the taste of the blonde's mouth. Squall wrapped his arms around Seifer's kneck, and began to purr softly. A moan escaped Seifer's mouth. And it seemed like forever, until Seifer pulled away.  
  
He looked down and began to fidget with his dog tag. "Squall..."  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"I'm sorry." Seifer looked up. A hint of sorrow in his eyes.  
  
"Sorry?" Squall was immensely confused, "For what?"   
  
And Seifer stood up. And frowned solemnly at Squall. He was standing there. The suspense was ripping at Squall.  
"I love you."  
And Seifer walked away.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Look at me losing control  
Thinking I have a hold  
But with feelings this strong  
I'm no longer the master  
Of my emotions  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Squall sat up in his bed, thinking. When was he going to leave the infirmary.  
When was he going to see Seifer.  
  
"I love you." Squall repeated the words over and over in his mind.  
  
Seifer had really meant those words.   
Seifer wasn't one to lie. He was a straightforward bastard, that's for sure.  
A hot-damn sexy, sweet, modest, loveable, straightforward bastard.  
  
And Squall rolled over and picked his sketchbook up from off of the floor. It was mostly filled with landscapes and backgrounds. He flipped the page. He almost chuckled.  
It was a picture of the cafeteria, request of Mr. Zell Dincht himself.   
Squall felt slightly sick at the mention of his name, and shook the thought away. He turned the page.   
It was a picture of Seifer.  
  
His hair gelled back, and parted improperly. His bangs jutting out in just the right way. And the scar accross his forehead. And he's cheekbones were etched with strong lines and you could tell he was determined.  
He was smirking, his trademark smirk, and his nose was slightly pointed.  
His eyes were his greatest feature. Squall had tried to capture the essence but...no matter how well he could draw, paint, sketch...it would never be the same as the real him.  
  
And Squall wrote four words on that page.  
  
"I love you too." He read aloud.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Author's note:  
*bum bum bum!*  
Actually this isn't really a cliffhanger but hey.   
Is it kyute? Or just cheesy? I think I liked this chapter so I want some feedback plz!  
What will happen to Zell & Rinoa? Will anything happen to them? I mean, does anyone care, at all, about either of them right now?  
Well, you'll find out in the next chapter of:  
"Paralysed"  
Same FF channel  
Same FF time  
*bum bum bum!* 


	7. Complications

Would you hold my hand if I saw you in heaven?  
Would you help me stand if I saw you in heaven?  
I'll find my way through night and day,  
Beyond the door there's peace I'm sure,  
And I know there'll be no more tears in heaven.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
'You are my Angel, Seifer Almasy.'  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Seifer held Zell up against the wall with one hand, threatening to mutilate him with his gunblade should he try to get away, or call for help.  
  
"What are you talking about...!?" Zell was trying to squirm out of Seifer's grasp. This was happening to him a lot lately.   
  
"You know what I'm talking about." Seifer growled, "I know what you did, and I want to hear it from you."  
  
Zell was hit with realisation as he stopped squirming, and looked into Seifer's eyes. He'd almost be sexy if he wasn't constantly taunting people, and picking fights. But how could he know? Know about what happened...? "You...you know what...?"  
  
"C'mon" Seifer interrupted bitterly, "Continue..."  
'Chickenwuss doesn't have feelings anyways. No one with any sense of humanity could sleep with his best friends girlfriend and feel nothing but fear and reluctancy. He knew what he had gotten himself into, but he didn't care about Squall.'  
  
The smaller blonde went limp. He felt so evil. He loved Squall, as his best friend, and maybe even something more. How could he have brought himself to do what he did, he really doesn't know himself. All he knows is he'd rather die than face Squall again. Especially after that incident in Squall's dorm.  
Seifer let go of him. He fell, and sat crumpled on the ground,  
"I'm sorry...I'm so sorry." Zell began, hanging his head in shame,   
"I didn't know what...well we were both drunk...and..." He continued saying random things, just letting it all out, telling Seifer everything...he had to tell someone.  
He looked up.  
  
Seifer was looking down at him, he's anger somewhat subsided due to the one he so fondly calls Chickenwuss' weak state.  
  
"And I don't know what to do or say. And I feel...so bad." Zell's voice quivered, from fear, sadness, confusion, and guilt, "He committed suicide because of me."  
  
"He 'tried' to commit suicide because of you. And Rinoa." Seifer added between gritted teeth, "I wouldn't be surprised if she wasn't drunk." He muttered more quietly.  
  
Zell looked up at Seifer in silence, and his eyes began to well up with tears.  
  
'Here come the waterworks.' Seifer was almost taken aback by that thought. He felt so sorry for Zell, he didn't know why exactly, he pretty much deserved what he got.  
'But does anyone really deserve to despise themselves?'  
He knew Zell was on the brink of suicide. Not surprisingly, Rinoa was faring considerably better.  
  
He began crying, "All...I ever wanted...was for someone...to care about me."  
  
Seifer nodded, understandingly. All he wanted was an apology, he got so much more. He had underestimated the young martial artist.  
  
"And...I was...drunk." He was forcing the words out between tears and gasping for air, "and I really... only...I've only ever... loved Squall..."  
  
Zell's eyes widened as he realised what he had just admitted to, and Seifer's widened in shock.   
'He loves...Squall?'  
'My...Squall?' Seifer's mouth dropped open but as soon as he realised it he quickly clamped it shut and stared at Zell, trying to contemplate what he might be thinking.   
  
They sat in stunned silence for a while before Seifer said, "...Go on."  
  
"I...you don't hate me?" Zell shook that thought away, "I mean you're not going to tease me?"  
  
Seifer scrunched up his face in confusion, "Why would I?"  
  
"Well...because...you're you." Zell blabbed on, "And I'm gay..."  
  
And Seifer understood. He thought Seifer was so stunned because he was gay. Seifer might have if he wasn't the way he was...but even so...it's a preferation, a state of mind. There was nothing wrong with being gay. He was convinced of that. So was Quistis, who he had gone to for advice before...when he was having the fantasies about Squall...before the suicide incident.  
'He doesn't know...and if this were a normal situation...' Seifer began to battle with himself, on whether or not to tell Zell about himself.  
  
"And aren't you going to say something?" Zell asked, fresh tears filling his eyes.  
  
"So am I."  
  
"What?!" Zell gasped.  
  
"So'm I." Seifer leaned up against the wall and sighed.  
  
"You're what?" Zell asked again, not believing his ears.  
  
"I'm gay, goddamnit Zell are you that dense?!" Seifer stood up straight only to be greeted by numerous gasps behind him. He turned around, and there, standing at Zell's dorm's doorway, were Irvine, Selphie, Rinoa, and a very smug Quistis.  
  
"Seifer?" Selphie asked slowly.  
  
And Seifer's cheeks flushed a deep crimson and he rushed out of the room.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Author's Note: *bum bum bum!*   
I know this was really short but for 1 scene it was my longest, it would just sorta ruin the effect if i continued this chapter.  
Well plz R&R!!  
And stay tuned for the next chapter of:  
"Paralysed"  
Same FF time  
Same FF channel  
*bumbumbum!*  
  
  
' 


	8. Cruel Angels

Baby I've been searching like everybody else  
Can't say nothing different about myself  
Sometimes I'm an angel  
And sometimes I'm cruel  
And when it comes to love  
I'm just another fool  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Squall?" He was greeted by rapid pounding on his door, and Zell's voice, "Squall? You awake?"  
  
He groaned and sat up slowly. He 'had' been sleeping. Pulling on his pants he growled, "I'm coming."  
  
The pounding stopped and he heard impatient shuffling from outside his dorm door, "Yeah, okay, thanks."  
  
He ran his fingers through his hair, and walked towards the door. "What do you want...?"  
  
"Oh, uh..." Zell blushed as he noticed Squall wasn't wearing a shirt, "Sorry if I woke you up, man."  
  
"No, I was supposed to be up an hour ago anyway." Squall scowled partly because of his half-naked state, partly because Zell, whom he really didn't feel like talking to, was at his door, and partly because he woke up late, "And say whatever you need to because I have to leave." He glared at Zell, and felt the shorter blonde shrink under his gaze.  
  
"Uhm, yeah, I wanted to talk to you, but that could always wait. Right?" Zell noticed Squall rolling his eyes, "I mean of course it could. You don't want to be late." His cheeks were turning redder by the minute, "And so I guess I should go."  
  
"Bye." Squall said simply as he shoved past Zell rigidly.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
They were two young lovers  
Wishing on the stars above  
Well they carved their initials  
In an old birch tree  
With a heart and an arrow and a '63  
You had to be blind not to see  
It was a perfect love  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Selphie, Irvine, Quistis, Zell, Xu, and Nida were sitting around a table in the cafeteria.  
  
"I think Seifer has the hots for Squall." Selphie giggled. The others stopped talking and looked at her.  
  
"Selphie!" Xu exclaimed.  
  
"Hey, I don't know about that," Irvine said awkwardly, "I mean, they're like, childhood rivals."  
  
"Squall's not gay is he?" Nida added suspiciously.   
  
Quistis chuckled softly, and all eyes around the table turned to her, "Actually, I think Selphie hit it right on." Zell's eyes widened, "And I don't doubt that Squall feels something for Seifer, as well."  
  
Zell spat out the coffee he was drinking.  
  
"Eww, Zell, you got some of that on me." Selphie grimaced and stuck her tongue out at Zell.  
  
"You think Squall's gay?" Zell stammered.  
  
"She has a point." Xu said, before stuffing her face with a bagel.  
  
Nida nodded, "I haven't exactly seen Squall giving Seifer googly eyes." Irvine grinned and winked at him, "But I'd say Quistis is right."  
  
"That's so cute!" Selphie giggled again. She only stopped when she noticed the looks Irvine was giving her due to her very wet, white tank top.  
  
Everyone began talking loudly, and laughing, "No, Selphie. If my assumtion--sorry, your assumption is correct, Seifer and Squall will want to sort things out on their own."  
"He saved his life. Now that's what I call romantic."  
"I still can't get over the fact that Squall's gay!"  
  
Zell went very pale, suddenly. "Uh, I'm not feeling so well. I'm...gonna go." He excused himself and ran off in the direction of the dorms.  
  
"He's been acting really weird lately, don't you think?" Nida asked. Everyone nodded, looking in the direction he had run off.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Zell!" Rinoa called out to the figure running full-speed down the hall, "Zell! Wait!"  
  
'It's her'  
The figure slowed to a walk and motioned for Rinoa to walk with him, "What?" He spat angrily.   
  
"Zell, I need to talk to you." He turned around with his hands on his hips, glaring at her. She began to shake. She was also panting from trying to catch up with him. Her voice, eyes, and expression were pained. "I...I need you with me. Just today, I-"  
  
"Don't you get it?" Zell interrupted, "Leave. Me. Alone!" He put emphasis on each word, "I don't want you near me. It'd be better if you were out of my life. This thing we had-it didn't work out. And...and..." Zell began fuming. "I don't care about you. I don't care...about anyone, or anything anymore."  
  
Rinoa was shaking insanely, and tears began to pour down her face, "But Zell...!"  
  
"So just fuck off! Ok?" He felt his eyes watering up, "S...stay away. Away..." He was mumbling. He seemed to be thinking of something else, not paying any attention to his surroundings.  
  
Rinoa's sobbing alerted Zell once again of her presence and he growled, "I don't love you. I never have. I never will."  
And he began to run again, leaving her standing in the hall.  
  
"Why...?" Rinoa sobbed quietly, alone, crumpling up on her knees in the dorm hallway, "Zell..."  
___________________________________  
  
Author's Notes: *bum bum bum!*  
Well, now that everyone's angsty and on the verge of suicide...  
I end my chapter!  
So plz review! What did you think of this chapter? I know, they're always short. -.-  
But tune in to the next episode of:  
'Paralysed'  
Same FF time   
Same FF channel  
*bum bum bum!* 


	9. A Million Miles Away

When I can't sleep at night  
Without holding you tight  
Boy, each time I try I just break down and cry  
Pain in my head   
Oh, I'd rather be dead  
Spinning around and around  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
'Underneath...I cry'  
  
Rinoa was now a SeeD so she had a room to herself. She was standing in the center of her dorm room on a stool, kneck held up, frowning as if contemplating something. There was a rope hanging on the ceiling from a hook. She wrapped it around her kneck and tightened it until it was tight enough to bruise her kneck.   
  
"No one believes...me  
Or is it that they don't care?  
Do I care?"  
She chuckled softly.  
  
Grinning, a single tear made its way down her cheek, and she grabbed it with her tongue.   
  
'I will not cry.'  
'I'm weak to try to escape.'  
'But I will not cry.'  
  
"You know.  
My "friends"?  
I just might do it."  
  
And she kicked away the stool.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
I'm a million miles away   
Where I don't have to think at all   
Don't have to listen to you whisper   
Your little secrets in the hall   
Right now I'm miles away   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Zell, have you seen Rinoa?" Quistis and Zell were at the cafeteria, lunch break was almost over thus there were not many people eating still. She had noticed Rinoa's absence from all her classes, and she didn't go to the cafeteria for lunch.   
  
"No." Zell sneered, "And thank god for that. She's probably banging some junior classman right now."  
  
Quistis gasped, "Zell!"  
  
He just continued sneering, noticing a small figure running surprisingly fast towards them.  
  
Selphie ran up to the couple, ashen pale, especially noticeable against her rosy cheeks. She'd been running around the garden looking for them. Quistis and Zell could hardly hear what she was saying because she was out of breathe.   
"R-Rinoa!" She gasped.  
  
"What? Where's Rinoa?" Quistis asked calmly, helping the smaller brunette stand.  
  
"She's...she's..." Now there were tears pouring down Selphie's face.   
  
"Selphie! What's wrong?! Where's Rinoa?!"  
  
"What the fuck is going on?"  
  
"She's dead!" Selphie began to sob harder.  
  
Zell's mouth fell open and he felt feint.   
There was a sudden awkward silence between the trio.  
A few people at nearby tables looked surprised, some solemn, some angry.   
Thoughts came rushing to Zell and he lost hold of himself. He felt his knees caving in from under him.   
  
"Dead?" Quistis gaped, not moving, "Are...are you sure?"  
  
"Yes I'm fucking sure!" Selphie exclaimed, somewhat out of character, "I saw her hanging from the goddamn ceiling!" She began to pound on the table, drawing more attention to the trio.  
  
And then Zell fainted.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
If I could save Time in a bottle  
The first thing that I'd like to do  
Is to save every day  
'Til Eternity passes away  
Just to spend them with you  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Oh..." Irvine had just heard of Rinoa's supposed death and came running into her dorm room. It was full of SeeDs, including Squall and Quistis. "My god..."  
He felt sick.  
There, hanging with a rope around her kneck, face slightly blue, and where there wasn't blue, there was pure white. Her face was bloated. She almost looked as if she had been hung unintentionally. There was a look of fear on her face, and it looked like she had been tearing at the rope from her broken nails and the state of the rope. But Irvine knew better, because he knew the way she had been acting, and what she felt about Squall, and Zell, and...her face also held an expression of doubt and fear.  
  
"Think she was having second thoughts?" Irvine looked up and winced.   
  
Quistis jumped, and her and Squall turned around.  
  
"Irvine!" He could tell she'd been crying, her eyes were puffy and red, "I didn't see you there."  
  
"Why do you think she did it?" He asked, not really expecting an answer.  
  
"There was a note." Squall spoke up for the first time that day.   
  
"A note?" Irvine asked again.  
  
"Yes, um, it was on the bedside table." Quistis grabbed a ziploc bag and handed it to Irvine, "Don't open it."  
  
Irvine smoothed out the bag and squinted, "I'm sorry." He frowned. "Now I'll be out of your life..." there was scribbling, "your lives."  
"Forever."  
--------------------------------------------------------  
  
Author's Note: *bum bum bum!*  
Sorry there wasn't much...or any Squall and Seifer tangy goodness in this chapter. But there'll be a lot next chapter. Don't worry.   
^o^  
This is all just building up to it.  
Rinoa fans don't kill me. *dodges bullets and mallets*  
Just stay tuned for the next chapter of:  
"Paralysed"  
Same FF time  
Same FF channel  
*bum bum bum!* 


	10. Just Friends

Whenever I call you "Friend", I begin to think I understand  
Anywhere we are, you and I have always been, ever and ever  
I see myself within your eyes, and that's all I need to show me why  
Everything I do always takes me home to you, ever and ever  
'N now I know my life has given me more than memories, day by day, we can see  
In every moment there's a reason not to carry on  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"No." Zell gasped, breathing heavily. He was working out, pushing his body to the limit. He'd been punching his bag for three hours now, and had lifted weights for 2 hours before that. His knuckles were bleeding, and the bag was dented. He growled and continued punching. "No."  
  
"Zell?"  
  
"It's not my fault." Punch.   
  
"Zell?"  
  
"She...it's not my goddamn fault!" He landed a punch with surprising force, ripping the bag out of the ceiling. It was just then that he noticed Squall standing at the door.  
  
"Zell?!" Squall stood there, still, gaping.  
  
'Damn.'  
"Uh...yeah?" Zell flopped to the ground, and motioned for Squall to sit beside him on the bag sprawled over the floor.  
  
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Squall didn't budge. "What happened to Rinoa...you..."  
  
"You have no idea." Zell glared at the ground. When he looked up Squall could see the piercing anger and sadness in his eyes.   
  
"Don't I?" Squall asked curiously, "What happened between you?"  
  
"Nothing!" Zell spat, "And why the fuck do you care?!"  
  
Squall moved from the doorway and stood in front of Zell. He held out his hand, and Zell took it.  
"It's not my fault!"   
  
"I know." Squall looked at Zell pityingly.   
'Is this the hyper-active Zell I knew, and loved from before? Loved? The Zell that helped us through, along with Selphie, all our problems, cheering us up? Is that what I have to do? How...I've never cheered anyone up before. Just hurt people. That's all I'm good for.'  
  
"Damn." Squall muttered.  
  
"What?" Zell looked up. The sparkle in his eyes was definitely lost. Forever?   
  
"Who are you?" Squall asked, more himself than anyone else. Zell was taken aback.  
  
"Who...am I?"  
  
Squall nodded slowly, and silently. He tightened his grip on Zell's hands.  
  
"I...I don't...know." Zell seemed to be lost within his own head. His face was blank. Suddenly he snapped out of his daze.  
He grabbed Squall and pulled him closer.   
  
"Zell?"  
  
And he pressed his lips against Squall's.   
  
"Mmmph!" Squall exclaimed.  
  
The kiss wasn't like Seifer's. It wasn't gentle or caring, it was forceful and wanting. Squall squirmed but Zell held him tighter, exploring his mouth with his tongue, grinding up against him.  
  
Seifer, who had come with some flowers, which he knew would bug him, to cheer Zell up, stood at the door, unbelieving at the spectacle before him.  
He had seen enough.  
  
"Ugh!" Squall pushed him away, back, a little too hard, and Zell fell to the ground with a loud thump.  
  
"Squall?"  
  
And he rushed, ran, out of the room, down the hall, aimlessly. Wherever he was, the cafeteria, he didn't care...whatever. A single tear ran down his face and he stood there and yelled. He yelled louder than he had ever yelled before. Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at him startled. Selphie ran up to him.  
"Squall?!"  
----------------------------------------------  
  
Author's Note: *bum bum bum!*  
Hey, I know this was short. I think this is my shortest chapter yet. I just felt that I had to end it there. I'm not particularly happy with this chapter. Give me your opinions? Plz?  
Thanks to everyone that's reviewed! Redrum, Shanynn, Ayane, Dryad Chick (hey! dorks rule!), Wonderful Failure (thanks a bunch!), Daze, Yonaka no Inu-Ryuu (lol, love your reviews), pogi12, Purple Penguin, i am shinigami, BarrettMachain (ah! *is honored*), LigerZero2004, KaizerFinalFantasy...I could go on but I'm boring you I'm sure. ^o^  
No Seifer/Squall stuff here either, except for the fact that Seifer saw them kissing. *ooooh!* What's gonna happen next chapter!?  
Stay tuned for the next chapter of:   
"Paralysed"  
Same FF time  
Same FF channel  
*bum bum bum!* 


	11. Stoic Tears

Crocodile tears, that's what you cried  
When I wanted to leave your side  
And you said, "hey baby, look at me  
Don't you have no sympathy?"  
Well, I should have known better, I could have been free  
But I walked too close and you nearly swallowed me  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"I did this all for you Squall.   
My love for you.  
You killed her Squall.  
In cold blood.  
You hung her.  
Bastard.  
Murderer!"  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Can you see there's love behind these  
Cold hearted eyes  
Even though it's hard for me  
A clown never cries  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
There was a knock at the door.  
Squall stirred noiselessly. Forcing his eyelids up, he grunted and slid out of the bed.   
'It better not be Zell.'  
  
The knocking became faster and more persistent.   
'That's strange. Why isn't he saying anything?'  
Squall didn't really care if the person knew he was still there. He didn't feel like talking to anybody right now.   
He flopped down on the couch. He had become accustomed to sitting here, and just thinking. It was a nice place to do so too, he sunk into the soft leather. The banging on his door didn't stop. He rolled his eyes and reached for the remote control.  
'I'm not home.' he thought, amused.  
  
Suddenly the knocking ceased.  
  
Squall's ears perked up but he couldn't hear anything. If it was Zell he would have probably been yelling, or jumping around. Squall ignored it and flipped on the television.   
The first channel was static.  
'Maybe there's a problem with the cable line.' He thought, this channel was always working.   
He flipped through the channels. None of them worked so far. He sighed and gave up, and flipped off the tv. A shrill screeching noise emitted from the system. He growled, now fully annoyed and confused, and turned the tv back on. The noise stopped.   
The noise stopped but the screen was flashing flourescant colours. His eyes began to sting so he turned to video and muted the system. It didn't seem to do stop the screeching, but it helped with the static.  
  
'What the hell?'   
Now Squall could hear shallow breathing.  
  
"Who's there?" he asked, exasperated.  
  
"Open the door." A scratchy voice commanded from the other side of the door.  
  
The voice automatically sent chills down Squall's spine.   
  
"Who is it?" Squall slowly stood and walked towards the door.   
  
There was no answer. Squall kept moving towards the door.  
"Who the fuck are you?"  
  
"You don't recognize me?" It whimpered; a fake, mocking sorrow in its voice.  
  
Squall was just angry now, all other emotions discontinued registering.  
He slammed his fist against the door. He received no recognition that the voice was still there, yet again.   
'This is some sick fucking joke.' He growled, and reached for the door handle.   
  
"Murderer." The quiet voice, almost a whisper, rung in his ears.  
  
He stopped. He began to shiver with fear.  
'Fear?'  
'I'm afraid.'  
'I'm afraid to face my problems. To face what I've done. It's my fault.'  
'I committed...I caused...I loved her...If not only as a sister...It's...'  
'Murder.'  
  
'Wait. What is this?'  
'Fear?'  
'This is just a joke.'  
'Someone playing a sick joke.'  
'They don't understand.'  
  
  
"Doubtful?" Every syllable that came from the person...from the creature's mouth...made the gut-wrenching feeling in the pit of Squall's stomache worse. "It's not as if you haven't done it before."  
  
'It's right.'  
'You murder...people...every day.'  
'You? So now I'm talking in a second person?'  
'I...'  
'I'm the one that doesn't understand.'  
'The voice...'  
'Shutup.'  
  
"Shutup!" Squall exploded.  
  
"Fool." An evil yet innocent cackle filled the room.  
  
Squall couldn't stand it. He covered his ears desperately. He sunk to his knees in a hope to block out the noise.  
"Stop!" He yelled, almost screamed.  
  
"Open the door!" The voice demanded, over the unbearable laughter.  
  
'Make it stop.'   
Squall, his hands still cupped over his ears, forced himself to his feet. He stumbled over the loose garments of clothing strewn over the floor. He managed the courage to grab the handle with one of his hands.   
SIlence.  
  
'...'  
  
  
  
"Rinoa?"  
-------------------------------------------------  
  
Author's Note:  
*bumbumbum!*  
Eek! Another short-as-hell chapter.  
Plz tell me if you thought that was slightly creepy. Because that's what I was going for. Of course, it was supposed to be angsty too...  
By the way the beginning paragraph was said by Zell.  
Isn't Rinoa dead? ^o^ How strange  
Find out on the next episode of:  
"Paralysed"  
Same FF time  
Same FF channel  
*bum bum bum!*  
(R&R)! 


End file.
